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Lazy, Crisis, Change, Life

I've been catching the lazy-bug lately, lazy blogging, lazy going to sleep early, lazy eating, lazy getting-up early, lazy reading, lazy biking, and lazy training. It seems that the motivation to get into a healthy shape and healthy fitness is becoming out of my league. I feel like I'm getting stagnant since September of this year!

My desk is so cluttered with materials that should've been thrown out already, some magazines that I planned to read but has not gotten the "time" to even browse the pages, discs of movies I wanted to watch, some unused (and expiring) GCs for a fitness break that I once felt interested with, and even my dresser has never been tidied since more than a year already.

Mostly I feel bored, but I don't also want to do something to take myself out of boredom. My previous running has given me the emotional and physical high that made me energetic afterwards and in almost all of my pursuits in life, but lately, it seems that I am no longer contented or even happy about running. Look, I don't even blog my runs anymore, even those where I have achieved my personal best in both the half-marathon (36th Milo Elims, Manila Leg) and the Full-Marathon (1st RUPM). In fact, I don't know what I want to do now! On my lone days while figuring out what's happening to me, I felt that I needed some change, a big change in my life, in every aspect of it. I know it should start as soon as possible, but where and how to start, that's another big question!

No, I think I am not suffering from depression! There were countless of questions I asked myself about some things that previously I thought I know the answer of. Who am I? Where am I going? Another weird thing that I recently felt about myself is that "I may not reach beyond age 40 alive" anymore. But God forbid, I actually want to live my life until I grow old to the age of 80, still running, still climbing mountains, trekking some unknown territories, and sharing these adventures to anyone. I even want to live until the time that I see my Kids having their own grandchildren (my 4th generation), if that would be possible. :)

Anyway, tomorrow will be the 36th Milo Marathon National Finals and I'll be running just a 5K distance - my 3rd 5K for this year. I don't have any plan to give my best shot for this as I have not trained good for the past few weeks (or months) but, I'm just hoping that after this run, I'll be able to get the groove back or realize something that will give me a boost of energy, inspiration, and motivation to face what still lies ahead!



"Life is not about finding who you are, it's about creating who you are."

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